Save Me
by Mel16
Summary: [One-shot song-fic to Save Me by Queen]. Manny muses about herself and Spinner and Craig. Spanny with hints of Cranny and a bit of angst for everyone.


* * *

**Author's Note: I definitely don't own Degrassi, otherwise I'd be a whole lot richer. And the song is Save Me by Queen, which I also have no rights to. Queen are awesome, everyone listen to Queen. :) And reviews are welcome and appreciated! So without further ado...**

**SAVE ME **

_It started off so well  
They said we made a perfect pair  
I clothed myself in your glory and your love  
How I loved you  
How I cried  
The years of care and loyalty  
Were nothing but a sham it seems  
The years belie, we lived the lie  
I love you 'til I die_

I loved him, but he broke his promise. Half of me, the slowly dwindling romantic in me, wanted to believe him. I wanted to give myself to him entirely but there was always something, someone, else at the back of my mind. I wanted to be swept off my feet, I wanted promises to be kept for once – I wanted roses and rings and commitment – not a musty couch in a garage or meaningless words. Words are nothing to me now. I'm alone in that same garage, sitting on that same couch, wrapped in Spinner's sweatshirt. It had lost its scent ages ago, but sometimes I could trick myself into thinking it still held a trace of him – his cinnamon soap and the lingering hold of strawberry milkshake remains from the time he crashed right into Jay and spilled his entire tray of food on the both of them. For a few minutes I tricked myself into thinking Spinner could be the one. He could replace everything I'd been through with Sully the womanizer, Craig and the baby, JT…He could be everything I ever wanted in my lofty middle school dreams of true love. But then he'd gone and betrayed me without even a second thought. All he could focus on was Rick and his rage and I was just pushed aside without a second thought. So now…what am I left with? His sweatshirt, sure, one of his drumsticks, a mix tape every now and then, but that's nothing. His name's become synonymous with the reason Jimmy will never walk, never achieve his dreams, never make his parents proud in the way he couldn't help but always strive to. He was my other half one day, expelled and ostracized the next. I saw him in the hallway and I swear I could see through him. I could see everything that's happened, the past weeks outlined cleanly, and I couldn't forgive him for what had just meant to be a joke. Because it wasn't. Because he lied to me. He broke his promise, if unwittingly, because I wasn't in his thoughts at all anyway.

_Save me, save me, save me  
I can't face this life alone  
Save me, save me, save me  
I'm naked and I'm far from home  
_

"Manny, uh, what are you doing here?" he asked me. His guitar sat abandoned on the couch, that couch, and I noticed pieces of paper strewn across the floor.

"Better question, what cyclone hit here?" I responded, stepping into the garage.

"Trying to write a song. Trying and…failing," he added with a sigh. He tried in vain to straighten some of the papers, as if that act could organize his thoughts as easily. "But seriously, I don't mean to be rude, but what's going on?"

"Look, Craig, I know things ended really…crappily," I said for lack of a better word, "last year…But I need someone. And I know you have Ashley and I don't mean I need you like that, I just have to talk to somebody. Anybody. Everyone hates Spinner and I know I should hate him, too, and I do, but there's a part of me that still really cares about him…"

"I don't know how you can always be such a romantic," he commented. "After everything...Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up." I sighed and placed my hand over his gently.

"It's okay, Craig. I'm fine now." He glanced warily at our hands and bit his lip.

"Can I – can I get you something to drink? It's pretty cold in here, maybe hot chocolate?" Without waiting for a response, he disappeared into the house.

_  
The slate will soon be clean  
I'll erase the memories  
To start again with somebody new  
Was it all wasted?  
All that love?  
I hang my head and I advertise  
A soul for sale or rent  
I have no heart, I'm cold inside  
I have no real intent_

A few minutes later, he returned to the garage and handed me a glass.

"No hot chocolate," he explained as I took a sip of Coke. "I hope that's okay."

"Craig, if you want me to leave, it's fine. If this whole thing is freaking you out…I understand completely. Just – just know I'm not going to try and like, make a move on you or anything, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay," he responded, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself. "So tell me why you're pissed at Spinner. I mean, I know why I am, because he kind of basically destroyed Jimmy's chance at a future and almost got Emma killed…Hey, how is Emma anyway?" I fiddled with one of my silver rings and avoided his gaze.

"I have no clue. God, how pathetic is that? My best friend almost dies and I haven't even talked to her since? Best friends is kind of a loose term, though," I said, picking a chunk of polish off one of my hot pink fingernails.

"Yeah, tell me about it. I thought I could trust Spinner…I mean, I know he's not the smartest guy but I thought he was at least more sane than this."

"Me, too," I replied, and the two of us at in silence for a few moments.

_  
Save me, save me, save me  
I can't face this life alone  
Save me, save me  
Oh I'm naked and I'm far from home  
Each night I cry and still believe the lie_

_I love you 'til I die_

You think you can trust someone...You look them in the eye and they swear up and down they'll never hurt you and you believe them. And then you feel like the hugest moron in the world for getting duped by the one person who's supposed to be there for you unconditionally. And the thing is, they don't even care. They've moved on to bigger problems, to more pressing issues than you, sobbing in your room and cradling his drumstick as if it could somehow morph into him. And you want to move on and be strong – you want to find your inner Spice Girl and assert your girl power but you can't even move from your carpet where you're sprawled, listening to one of his mix tapes for the thousandth time. And you're just as content to live in those memories as you are to press play for the thousandth and first time.

_Save me, save me, save me  
Save me, yeah, save me, save me  
Don't let me face my life alone  
Save me, save me  
I'm naked and I'm far from home_

"I don't even know what I'm doing," I tell Craig, taking another gulp of my drink. "I'm like, walking in this daze and I keep ending up at the Dot and I want to go in but I can't. I can't give him the satisfaction, you know?"

"I know," he repeated. "We just all kind of want to isolate him right now I guess. Make him feel all of Jimmy and Rick's pain…Maybe so the rest of us don't have to…" he trailed off, tracing a dragon onto the side of his glass.

"God, how'd we end up like this? Degrassi's such a soap opera. We're supposed to be so much better than this, than all this drama."

"No one's perfect, Manny," Craig replied softly. I'd always tried to make my world idyllic and now that everything had fallen apart, I still wanted it all to fit to my expectations. I could barely even change myself but something in me just wanted to fix everyone else. I craved perfection, some stability in my upside-down life but all I could keep returning to was the Jeremiah house. And Craig meant nothing to me now, I knew it, I hadn't felt those butterflies in months, but he was my only comfort now. He had Ashley and everyone had someone else to turn to, and all I had was my first crush, my first time and our haven here in his beat up garage. I'd lost my innocence, I'd lost Spinner and my best friend and myself along the way and I needed saving. I always needed saving – but who was there to save me anyway but myself?


End file.
